Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize