Whod you bang
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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