I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
hell yes lets make some ravioli
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
