...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
