Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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