I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
