hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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