U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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