either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
