I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i think i have herpe
just one?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
