I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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