your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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