i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
honey bunches of taint.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
