I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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