This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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