Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
