There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
