I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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