no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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