I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
