Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
