I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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