I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
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