She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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