Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
