youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Are we still banned from the library?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
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