it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
