I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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