Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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