You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
