shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
