i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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