carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my sisters under your porch take her home
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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