Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
