Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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