Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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