How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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