In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
