So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize