I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
