I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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