apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
