i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Randomize
