Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
