I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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