Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Vodka?
Forever.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
