Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
