Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
