I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
