This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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