Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
