after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
