I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
where are you?
Hypothermia
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
