There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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