guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
