I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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