You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize