She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
