im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
