Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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