just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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