'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
