Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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