You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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