LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
