Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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