so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
