I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
