Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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