i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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