yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
