I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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